Stand out, or stay in?

I'm constantly wrestling with two different sides of myself, and they can both be clearly defined by my astrological sign. Now, I know not many people believe in horoscopes, and astrology isn't just about that. Its about using someone's sun sign to determine someone's traits and basic characteristics. I agree, sometimes people don't act like their sun sign--but for the most part, I've come to realize that's a big indicator. This comes from experience, my sun sign is Aquarius, and the signs in the elements air and fire) are ones that I'm supposed to get a long with, coincidentally these are usually the signs that i find, bring me the best friends. For instance, my best friend is the only person that i feel truly understands me--and her sign is libra, which is the best match for an Aquarius.

Otherwise, I have a lot of good friends that fall under the category of Libra, Sagittarius and gemini. My brother who I am pretty close to, is also a Leo. But enough of that! My point has to do with two warring sides of my personality. In aquarius, there are two planets that rule, which are Saturn and Uranus. (Uranus being the dominant sign) Saturn which rules Capricorn, is more a planet about structure, rules and becoming self disciplined. If you want someone to tell you your wrong, go find a capricorn, they're usually the ones who tell you the truth as they see it.

On the other hand there is Uranus, which is completely opposite. This planet is all about being unconventional, it enjoys resisting authority and marching to the beat of its own drum.

Can you see my problem a bit? I'm constantly having issues with wanting to be my own person, yet caring about what people think, wanting to make people happy. Yet, trying to make sure I stay independent and logical. One thing about me is that I don't have much regard to my emotions, i choose to disobey them and instead follow with my head.

I chose the title, "stand out, or stay in?" because standing out is all about being who I want to be, which means i'm not going to act the way others want me to, how society deems fit. I march to the beat of my own drum. Unfortunately, lately thats been difficult. Because sometimes, the way i look at life, isn't the way others do. So lately, i've felt the heat for my ways of looking at the world. Part of me doesn't care, if someone tells me I'm one thing, well then so be it. It doesn't have to effect me.
However, that mentality is slowly changing, because i keep finding that people look at me differently. I lose people with my lack of tact, my disregard for my own emotions, and my issues with morality.

So then i have an issue of needing to "stay in," but that's hard. Because as much as i want to be able to have my cake, and eat it too--its hard to find the balance. Its difficult staying true to my beliefs, while watching out for eggshells.

It doesn't help that I'm also stubborn, even when i know i should do the right thing--my resistance against authority kicks in, telling me, "why should you obey other people?" I'm trying to find the balance right now, but I guess I'm always going to have a battle with myself.

Hopefully I'll have a solution one of these days.