Stand out, or stay in?

I'm constantly wrestling with two different sides of myself, and they can both be clearly defined by my astrological sign. Now, I know not many people believe in horoscopes, and astrology isn't just about that. Its about using someone's sun sign to determine someone's traits and basic characteristics. I agree, sometimes people don't act like their sun sign--but for the most part, I've come to realize that's a big indicator. This comes from experience, my sun sign is Aquarius, and the signs in the elements air and fire) are ones that I'm supposed to get a long with, coincidentally these are usually the signs that i find, bring me the best friends. For instance, my best friend is the only person that i feel truly understands me--and her sign is libra, which is the best match for an Aquarius.

Otherwise, I have a lot of good friends that fall under the category of Libra, Sagittarius and gemini. My brother who I am pretty close to, is also a Leo. But enough of that! My point has to do with two warring sides of my personality. In aquarius, there are two planets that rule, which are Saturn and Uranus. (Uranus being the dominant sign) Saturn which rules Capricorn, is more a planet about structure, rules and becoming self disciplined. If you want someone to tell you your wrong, go find a capricorn, they're usually the ones who tell you the truth as they see it.

On the other hand there is Uranus, which is completely opposite. This planet is all about being unconventional, it enjoys resisting authority and marching to the beat of its own drum.

Can you see my problem a bit? I'm constantly having issues with wanting to be my own person, yet caring about what people think, wanting to make people happy. Yet, trying to make sure I stay independent and logical. One thing about me is that I don't have much regard to my emotions, i choose to disobey them and instead follow with my head.

I chose the title, "stand out, or stay in?" because standing out is all about being who I want to be, which means i'm not going to act the way others want me to, how society deems fit. I march to the beat of my own drum. Unfortunately, lately thats been difficult. Because sometimes, the way i look at life, isn't the way others do. So lately, i've felt the heat for my ways of looking at the world. Part of me doesn't care, if someone tells me I'm one thing, well then so be it. It doesn't have to effect me.
However, that mentality is slowly changing, because i keep finding that people look at me differently. I lose people with my lack of tact, my disregard for my own emotions, and my issues with morality.

So then i have an issue of needing to "stay in," but that's hard. Because as much as i want to be able to have my cake, and eat it too--its hard to find the balance. Its difficult staying true to my beliefs, while watching out for eggshells.

It doesn't help that I'm also stubborn, even when i know i should do the right thing--my resistance against authority kicks in, telling me, "why should you obey other people?" I'm trying to find the balance right now, but I guess I'm always going to have a battle with myself.

Hopefully I'll have a solution one of these days.

A few words on a rainy day

My earlier post regarding Sarah Palin hasn't been finished, and there's a few good reasons for that--I'm somewhat bias to her, and in an effort to fully analyze her skills and faults, I need more time. That post may or may not come anytime soon, or i will just write it months before the next election.

I feel the need however, to write about some other issues that have plagued my mind these past few days.

First has to do with nonbelievers and Christmas, something you should know about me, is that I am not a christian, nor do i belong to any other religious affiliation. However, my family strongly believes in the divinity of Jesus, the bible and God. I grew up thinking that Jesus was the only truth, and that christianity was the only religion that was right. But in the past two or so years, i have had a drastic change in thought process.

Anyways, most of my family knows this about me, and my brother. Well, the other day my mother was talking to my grandma and she asked if my moms "older kids were celebrating christmas." My mother, was a bit taken aback, (thank goodness) and asked why my grandmother would say that. Her reply went something like this, "why would they not celebrate jesus and celebrate christmas."

It was a weird moment for me, first of all my first thought was, "guess I'm not getting gifts from nana this year." Secondly, I disliked the view people have that Christmas is strictly a christian holiday. Does anyone remember that december 25th isn't Jesus's real birthday? That the only reason we celebrate during the winter time is because of the pagans? Furthermore, at least in America, christmas is so commercialized. Unless your a believer, your not really going to remember that christmas is a holiday celebrating Jesus. Its become a time to celebrate the winter, a holiday were we give gifts, decorate a tree and tell our kids that Santa is going to bring gifts. Where is Jesus in all of that? Nowhere.

So, it really bugs me that people think of Christmas as a religious holiday, its not just for you guys! Non believers can celebrate too, we like getting presents, decorating trees and believing in a mythical man who comes down our chimney on christmas eve.

Well, thats the end of my rant. Have a Merry Christmas, happy holidays or Happy Hanukkah everyone.